Many people, possibly including you, know the emotion of shame. Shame like all emotions exists within all of us. When shame surfaces it is commonly followed by worry, then fear and then panic. In the emotional state of panic you can make unreasonable or regrettable decisions, which you regrettably cannot mend.
Shame often stems from a belief that you are not good enough or are unworthy. It keeps you stuck, in a place of pain, spiraling further into more shame. If you feel this shame in extreme or live in this state day-to-day, your focus becomes outward as you seek to avoid interactions due to this emotions constant presence. The consequence of always looking outward, is that you may never truly look in, deeper within yourself, and may delay or completely miss out on learning who you truly are.
Shame also shares its place in how you feel with blame. Blame is usually directed towards yourself due to an internal belief that in your life there are circumstances that are beyond your control and hence you feel powerless due to the perceived absence of choice. Shame whispers that in all of the mistakes, you are the mistake and blame cements your feeling of worthlessness.
To begin to shift shame and blame you can start by simply learning to be kind to yourself. Show yourself compassion and love for all of your imperfections with out judgement.
Next you can take accountability and responsibility in your life for your choices. You can resolve your feelings of shame because it allows you to identify the causes and create new choices. Only then, once you have identified the cause, have the option to change it, to question it, and to weigh up other options. For example, what if I am not to blame? What if it wasn’t my mistake? What if I am carrying a heavy burden that isn’t mine and reflecting it upon others?
Processing shame is beneficial because unresolved shame is toxic to your body on all levels. The toxicity manifests itself in every aspect of your life. Every decision you make, what you bring to relationships and how you follow through with action. It creates emotional havoc and blinds you from the true reality in front of you. It makes you negatively question your trust in yourself and others, and creates inner fear.
When you take the time to resolve shame, it may often initially feel worse because it is raw but it does feel better in the long run. By being uncomfortable initially and resolving these deep and sometimes painful emotions, you free yourself up to be the person you are meant to be and have the relationships you truly desire. Imagine not being ashamed of who you are.
Choose yourself & choose life.
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Allow yourself to transition smoothly through any emotional state such as worry, anger, fear, frustration, grief, melancholy, nervousness, restlessness, shame or unworthiness with the support of the 5 elements from ancient Chinese teachings. Allow yourself the space to acknowledging your feelings and support them to pass naturally with the essences so you may once again feel in harmony, flow and balance.
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